Time to lighten up the atmosphere a bit. This short collection comes from deadpan comedian Steven Wright, a personal favourite of mine:
"Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen." "If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?"
"The other day I went to a tourist information booth and asked, "Tell me about some of the people who were here last year." "Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect." "When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep OK?' I said, 'No, I made a few mistakes.'" "I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose." "I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house... and four people died." "If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?" "Why isn't the word, 'phonetically' spelled with an ' f '?" "When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, "Well, what do you need?"Welcome to Winds of Change.NET, where we're always looking on the bright side of life... with sunglasses on. If you've heard a really good joke, email us. We'll run the ones we really like as Guest Blogs with full credit.
I heard a good one from Emo Phillips (?)
I was driving in Massachusetts one day when a cop pulled me over. He said, "Do you know the penalty for drunk driving in Massachusetts?" I said, "Re-election to the U.S. Senate?"
I saw a subliminal advertising executive the other day.
But it was just for a second.
More Steven Wright:
"I bought some dehydrated water, but I didn't know what to add."
"I woke up this morning and someone had stolen everything in my apartment and replaced it with exact replicas."
"Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?"
"I spilled spot remover on my dog. He's gone now."
"If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses."
"When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction."
"I was in the grocery store. I saw a sign that said "pet supplies." So I did. Then I went outside and saw a sign that said "compact cars"..."