Raytheon CEO Bill Swanson's Unwritten Rules of Management [PDF] may get rave reviews from Warren Buffett, but it isn't publicly distributed. Fortunately, we have the next best thing: 5 corporate fables of unknown provenance, that deliver wise lessons in a very memorable way.
Corporate Lesson 1
A man is getting into the shower just as his beautiful wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her the $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. "Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
Lesson: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Corporate Lesson 2
A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."
Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
Lesson: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
Corporate Lesson 3
A sales rep and an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish." "Me first! Me first!" says the admin. clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! She's gone. "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone.
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
Lesson: Always let your boss have the first say.
Corporate Lesson 4
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?" The crow answered: - "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Lesson: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up. (Or have a strong union - see Ariel's comment)
Corporate Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
Lesson: Bullsh-t might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
I love it, Joe. I think you've just started a fresh email wave.
Joe,
While they're all hilarious, in real life lesson number four really doesn't work that way. As a management consultant, I've worked with many senior people in several different industries and I've never seen any of them sitting and doing nothing. On the other hand, I've seen a lot of junior people doing exactly that - including one guy at a telecom company who would go to sleep when his boss was out of town.
The Senior Vice Pres of an oil co.- that I worked with for longer than I wanted to - fell off his chair when he fell into a really deep sleep. Luckily nothing broke, or he might have made a claim against the co.
Great, just great.
I should have read that before I got canned for disagreeing with my boss.
Phil in Florida
Ariel, you've fallen into the consultant's trap, as we all do sometimes, of the macro view vs. the subjective view when the subjective is called for.
The question is not whether the lower-level employees do sleep, but whether they can get away with it if caught....
Given that this guy was a unionized employee at a telephone company with a really strong union, I think he could have gotten away with it. I know all of us were amazed that he thought he could do it.
When he wasn't sleeping (i.e. when his boss was in town), he spent at least an hour a day talking about the Little League that his son was in - I think he had some position in the league as well.
I guess we need to amend that lesson:
"To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up - or have a strong union."
I found the Corporate Lessons are very intresting that led me to keep on search for more 22 Aug 2008