I got this via email a few years ago. Although a few of the names have changed, unfortunately it hasn't aged much.
The cycle of violence between the Jews and the Egyptians continues with no end in sight in Egypt. After eight previous plagues that have destroyed the Egyptian infrastructure and disrupted the lives of ordinary Egyptian citizens, the Jews launched a new offensive this week in the form of the plague of darkness.
Western journalists were particularly enraged by this plague. "It is simply impossible to report when you can't see an inch in front of you," complained a frustrated Andrea Koppel of CNN. "I have heard from my reliable Egyptian contacts that in the midst of the blanket of blackness, the Jews were annihilating thousands of Egyptians. Their word is solid enough evidence for me."
While the Jews contend that the plagues are justified given the harsh slavery imposed upon them by the Egyptians, Pharaoh, the Egyptian leader, rebuts this claim. "If only the plagues would let up, there would be no slavery. We just want to live plague-free. It is the right of every society."
Saeb Erekat, an Egyptian spokesperson, complains that slavery is justifiable given the Jews' superior weaponry supplied to them by the superpower God.
The Europeans are particularly enraged by the latest Jewish offensive. "The Jewish aggression must cease if there is to be peace in the region. The Jews should go back to slavery for the good of the rest of the world," stated an angry French President Jacques Chirac.
Even several Jews agree. Adam Shapiro, a Jew, has barricaded himself within Pharaoh's chambers to protect Pharaoh from what is feared will be the next plague, the death of the firstborn. Mr. Shapiro claims that while slavery is not necessarily a good thing, it is the product of the plagues and when the plagues end, so will the slavery. "The Jews have gone too far with plagues such as locusts and epidemic which have virtually destroyed the Egyptian economy," Mr. Shapiro laments.
The United States is demanding that Moses and Aaron, the Jewish leaders, continue to negotiate with Pharaoh. While Moses points out that Pharaoh had made promise after promise to free the Jewish people only to immediately break them and thereafter impose harsher and harsher slavery, Richard Boucher of the State Department assails the latest offensive. "Pharaoh is not in complete control of the taskmasters," Mr. Boucher states. "The Jews must return to the negotiating table and will accomplish nothing through these plagues."
The latest round of violence comes in the face of a bold new Saudi peace overture. If only the Jews will give up their language, change their names to Egyptian names and cease having male children, the Arab nations will incline toward peace with them, Saudi Crown Prince Abdullah declared.
ROFLMAO!!!
Yehudit,
Thanks for a wonderful laugh. Well, actually, an uncontrollable spasm of laughter combined with a few tears.
The degree of humour in good political satire is usually directly related to the pain and/or absurdity of the reality it satirizes. And this one is very funny.
Have a great Passover celebration.
Jim
AP: ISRAEL CLOSES RED SEA, CUTTING OFF EGYPTIAN WORKERS FROM THEIR JOBS
Note the next part of the story, where the God of the Jews murders thousands of innocent children to force the Egyptian government to free the Israelities.
Stories glorifying past Jewish terrorism are so heartwarming.
Forgot that angle, TJ, thanks! Improves the satire.
G-d is Jewish?
Well then, get those synagogue dues in, Mr. "Lord of All Creation" - you're several billion years late, and the interest is piling up....
(Once he pays up, we've decided on the site for the new shul complex. I think you folks call it "Saudi Arabia." We think the size will finally ensure parking for everyone on High Holidays, and we can bring people in for Shabbat services with gas discounts. Plus, we'll get to make the Euros bow and grovel all the time. Sweet!)
Absolute classic.