Winds of Change.NET: 48 Ways to Wisdom - Way #20: The Art of Conversation

May 2, 2003

48 Ways to Wisdom - Way #20: The Art of Conversation

by Joe Katzman at May 2, 2003 4:27 AM

This has been a regular feature on Winds of Change, though it went on hiatus during the War on Terror's Iraqi Campaign. In the wake of President Bush's speech last night on the USS Abraham Lincoln, this seemed a proper time to bring it back.

Every Friday (for Friday evening begins the Jewish Sabbath), we cover one more way to wisdom from Rabbi Noah Weinberg. These materials are written by an Orthodox Jewish Rabbi, but are written in such a way that they retain their value no matter what creed you follow.

Think of it as a gentle and modern way of sharing 5,000+ years of accumulated wisdom. This week's installment is about the art of conversation - the real kind, not the stilted, formal variety or casual chit-chat:

"A "conversation" is a exploration of another person. The point of conversation is not to impress others or to enhance your popularity, but to learn about others.

That is our most common mistake. When you talk to the guy in the plane, don't let him know by the end of the trip how many trophies you've won and what investments you've made. Nor are you interested in information like who won the ball game and the current market price of gold. That is not conversation. That is the information shop.

The point of conversation is to connect with someone and explore his experiences, thoughts, feelings, and inner appreciations. What does he think about life, about love, about meaning? For example, while a "discussion" might focus on the question, "Is the president effectively dealing with the economy?", a "conversation" would ask, "How is the economic situation affecting you lately?"

There's a lot of value in this, and it's something that really needs to happen in real life rather than in our blogs. A Presbyterian Minister named Fred Rogers used to do this all the time, and he found that his TV celebrity gave him a level of trust that made it easy.

So what do you do if you aren't Fred Rogers? Rabbi Weinberg has some suggestions. Speaking from experience, I recommend them highly.

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