Of course, you and your wife will have to decide.

I am just offering my 2 cents of personal experience and thoughts.

I was 36 with our fist child and 38 with the second one. The first year was incredibly hard. However, as soon as the younger one started to walk I noticed that the burden on my shoulders got lighter. Now the two are 5 and 7 years old and I can assure you that it is much easier for us to raise the two of them togehter than it is for some of our friends who are having only kids of the same age. Our two interact while with an only child the mothers (daddies are less available) have to fulfill the full task of being a companion in addition to being a mother.

Another thought: You don't have to give your daughter a sibling to get her other kids as companions. A close friendship with unrelated children answers as well. I am still pickung our kids' friends, mainly based on how well I get along with the parents (similiar ideas on education for instance).

I forget which one of the services used this ad but it is a truism as a parent: the hardest job you ever loved.

You're not really a parent until you have two kids. I mean, if you come and there's crayon all over the walls now - you know exactly who did it.

Two children will take more of your wife's time away; that's inevitable. It will mean higher ups, but more frequent downs. It will also give your child a playmate, friend, etc. - an important and lasting gift.

These aren't your only 2 choices, of course. A dog would provide lesser benefits to your child, in return for lesser demands on your wife.

Only you can know where the best balance point lies, and what you two can handle. I will say this, though: if you're not taking care of yourself and your ability to care for what you have, it may not be such a service to your child who depends on you. Don't do this if you truly think it will push either of you past your limits.

I do not presume to know the answer, but for me its always the more the merrier. I have 4 (15,10,9,7) and while we made the consious decision to not have anymore, there is still the longing for more (5 or 6 would have been ideal). It means lots of work, more debt than we'd like, s smaller house etc, but the benefits are many. My children are siblings but also friends and they will never be alone, which is important. Anyway, good luck which ever way you go.

I have four boys (9, 7, 5, 3). You know how you sometimes look at them doing something really cute, like pantomiming you on the phone, and you think "this is the best age ever"? I'm still doing that with my eldest. And watching a person come into their own mind and personality, which you are at the beginning of, is a wonder to behold. As Joe said, you're not really a parent if you only have one child: live gets much more interesting with two.

That said, yes, your wife will become more absorbed with two, and so will you. That is inevitable: the alternative is that the child(ren) will be deprived of that attention and imagination. Children change lives. I believe, though, that if a person is cut out for parenting, their life changes for the better. I sometimes miss my wife as she was before we had children, when she was capable of great intellectual depth. With four children, she is not capable of that (yet; her brain is getting more exercised as our children age, and she not only finds more time for herself, but also is homeschooling the children on more advanced material). But she has developed into a far more mature and wonderful person, nonetheless. The secret for me is to look at what I'm getting from my whole family, and see that what I've lost is small in comparison.

It's likely that you won't make the wrong choice. Sure, it's possible that what you and your beloved decide will haunt you, because the Fates can choose to be unmerciful. But the common experience is that of scores of small advantages and dozens of difficulties. Impossible to contrast meaningfully to the road not taken.

You've already identified many of them--probably the ones closest to your hearts.

For me and my mid-Boomer peers, the Decision Matrix analysis usually led to "Don't have kids/don't have more kids"--they're too expensive, too disruptive, too distracting. For whatever combination of articulate and inchoate reasons, some of us chose parenthood. In my case, three times. I never regret it.

It sounds like your family already has the information you need, which is mostly about the heart, and also concerns resources and time. If a deductively-reasoned decision feels right, that will be a strong hint that it is right. If the conclusion doesn't sit well, then you'll know that way, too. In other words, your "best guess" is probably better than you think.

Do you really want to be over 60 and taking number-two child on the college visit tour?

Do you live in a neighborhood with a lot of kids? At 20 months, your child is past ready to attend playgroup with a parent. That should make her less lonely. My kids are 14 and 11, and I'd say it's only in the last couple years that they are less than twice as much work as one kid. At first, and for several years, it's quadratic: two kids were four times as hard as one. Especially when we found we had one early riser and one night owl.

I don't think anyone can tell you what to do, but you should consider EVERYTHING! I also wanted to let you know that you have a beautiful way with words!!!

It's always your call, but here's my similar experience. We were unable to have children for a long time, then had two separated by over three years; two incredible miracles, but that's another story. I was 37 when the first was born; she's in college now. My wife sounds much like yours, too, just not an only child. Yes, our personal wishes and desires took a back seat to the childrens' needs; isn't that normal? Child raising is a responsibility, but extremely rewarding in many ways. Our lives always seem better when we are not self-centered but live for others. On the lighter side, it has always been somewhat amusing to attend childhood activities (sports, school, etc.) and note our ages relative to the other parents. It seems to keep us living and acting younger than our ages; I don't know if this is because of necessity or if it is just a by-product of having to think and act as if we were raising youngsters! Whatever the reason, we're doing well. I think our children are quite satisfied with their positions in life now, too. I sometimes think being older was a blessing for me, too, as I'm not sure I would have made enough adequate judgment calls at a younger age in my own life. Bottom line is that we just take life as it gets dished out and make the best of it. We don't do it all by ourselves, either, nor would I recommend you do so; if you tried, you could easily be beset by the worries you mentioned. We rely on God, period.

BTW, I sure enjoy your posts and wish you the very best in whatever you decide.

We adopted a sib group comprised of a 3-year old boy and a 2-year girl when my wife and I were 44 years old. They were our first children.

It turns out that both kids have attachment "issues", ADD, ADHD, and in general, it has been a tough experience. Both kids have been in therapy (that's expensive, since much therapy isn't covered by health care insurance), and now my wife is seeing a therapist weekly. She recently began an anti-depression medication. Like I say, it's been tough.

The thing about being a parent, especially an older parent, is that it truly is a "lay down your life" kind of experience. The question that I think you need to ask is simply this: For whose benefit are you doing this? If you're doing it because you want children (IOW, it's primarily for your own benefit), you may be asking for disappointment on a huge scale. If, on the other hand, you are adopting because there are children out there who need the love you can provide and a stable home (for the benefit of the kid or kids), then the expectations are a lot lower, and if (when?) hardships come, they're a bit easier to handle.

As other said, it's a call that only you and you wife can make.

Waidmann

I just fixed the my garage roof and a month back a sapling pecan I planted twenty odd years ago had to come down because of windstorm damage. Each didn't care one way or the other that those things happened. And not only do they eat up your time, you can love a tree, a lawn, a house, even a vacation, but they will never love you back.

As for your wife, I don't know. Do you know the wellspring of her imagination? I understood that mine sprang from not having children and while it has been shelved for a while, I know also it will be much better when I bring it back off the shelf at a later time. But that was me.

One final suggestion. Have you stepped back to think whether your premise is correct that you and your wife's life together is a fixed size box for choices to fit in or is it a box that expands to hold your choices? I've quite regularly found when deciding big things that my pessimism is just the walls of the rut I'm currently standing in. If you find that to be the case here, the crucial thing not to do after you make a decision is to jump back into that rut but make a new one.

I do hope I have given you some help, Cicero. Good luck and God's blessing in whatever you decide.

I don't know what life would be like without my baby sister.

My wife and I are raising a second pair of kids, born when I was 48 and 49. Best thing I ever did.

They are quite different but good friends.

Cicero, we of the Bene Gesserit have one basic dictum--Reproduction is All.
Although you will not be passing on your genetics, we feel your special and unique memetics will be of incalculable value to future generations.

Plus, I sense it is what you want to do.
Plant more forests.
;)

Love multiplies. Go for it.

You evocation of your wife is extremely touching. It somehow manages to be revealing and completely private at the same time.

With that imagination, I imagine her telling some incredible bedtime stories. I remember my sometimes depressed and irritable mother singing us the haunting Child ballad "The Golden Vanity."

I am not a parent, alas, but I imagine that sleep and dream deprivation, when children are small, is one factor that dessicates the imagination. That is certainly true of elder caretaking which in some respects (except in reverse) resembles early parenthood.

I wonder, though, as someone else said, whether two children's companionship with each other would ultimately lift some of the burden from your wife.

Another note: children less than 3 years apart in age can be especially close, BUT can also be extremely rivalrous if the older one is not quite finished "being the baby." A 3- or 4-year-old is a "big girl" or boy and does not feel so displaced by the arrival of a baby, rather, proud of being an elder sibling. (I speak in part from personal experience as the 4 years older sibling.) It's a tough decision whether to wait when you yourselves are older parents. But it might be a little easier on your wife not to have two prerational and completely dependent children at once.

Whatever you decide, any children who find you are blessed.