IN "WE'RE ALL ONE BIG HAPPY EUROPEAN FAMILY" NEWS :

• President Horst Köhler broke with the tradition of the German head of state making France the destination of the first official foreign trip, and visited Poland instead. "Polish President Aleksander Kwasniewski was delighted with the decision. 'This is a sign of how closer our relations have become,' the Polish leader said in an interview with Berlin's Tagesspiegel newspaper. In an article Köhler wrote for the Polish paper Gazeta Wyborcza, he stressed his biographical ties with Poland. Köhler was born in 1943 in the Polish village of Skierbieszow, but his family was forced to flee at the end of the war along with millions of other ethnic Germans. 'This means that I can help Poland realize its dreams and hopes in Europe,' said Köhler." It sounds like a diplomatic case of "treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen," but what will the scorned France think?
  


• Meanwhile the German-British love affair seems to be a one way street, according to this recent study of young people's attitudes conducted by the British Council and the German Goethe Institute. Overall, 50% of young Germans have visited Great Britain; "[they] view the UK as a successful multi-cultural society which is modern and future-oriented. Britain is also considered to be a country where important trends are set, for instance in the art and music scenes." On the other hand, only 37% of young Britons have visited Germany; "[Germany]'s not seen to be trendy, but most young Britons mention Germany's technological capabilities and its drive for perfection... Many young Britons still believe that Germans are not open-minded and - even worse - without any sense of humor." Long live the European Union of Stereotypes.
  


• And in case you had any doubts, Spain has most definitely ditched the New Europe: "In an interview with French daily Le Monde [of course - ed.], [Spanish Prime Minister] Zapatero said, 'France and Germany are the two decisive countries for the European construction and Spain should be there.' He acknowledged that Spain has re-joined the European family after the departure of his predecessor Jose Maria Aznar, who had 'one foot in Europe ... and one outside to slow it down'." Meanwhile, as the previously quoted story suggests, Germany thinks that Poland is the other decisive country in Europe, and Poland thinks it's the United States, so we're back to square one.
  


• Speaking of Spain, its relations with Great Britain are rather strained at the moment over the decision of the Brit Defence Secretary Geoff Hoon to attend Gibraltar's celebrations of 300 years of British rule. In the words of the Spanish foreign secretary Miguel Angel Moratinos, "This commemoration of a past military event weakens the relationships with Spain. It turns out to be very strange that in this 21st century, the military occupation of part of an EU member-state's territory is commemorated by another member-state." The best response comes from the Conservative Party's Shadow Foreign Secretary Michael Ancram: "Grow up."
  


• Lastly, this - about strained relations with oneself: "Citing bad service and high prices, French residents are choosing other Mediterranean sites, such as Portugal, Spain, Italy, and Croatia for their holidays. 'This year I'm going to Barcelona because at least people there smile and are welcoming,' a senior Peugeot executive said." Something must be going right in the world when even the French don't like the French.

IN THE TRANS-ATLANTIC RELATIONS NEWS:

• The government of Austria is planning to honour their most famous expatriate son, Gov Schwarzenegger, with a 1 euro ($1.25) postage stamp. "The stamp features a portrait of a serious-looking Schwarzenegger in a suit and tie in front of the U.S. and Austrian flags. It also bears his name, the word Austria in English and the number 100, signifying that it is worth 100 cents." Austrians, depending on their attitude to Arnold, will now be able to either lick or spit at his back.
  


• German government has meanwhile brushed off reports that the United States is planning to block Germany's bidto obtain a permanent seat at the Unites Nation's Security Council. "The German government stands by its position that the United Nations Security Council should be reformed... Germany is ready to take up its responsibility as permanent member of the UN Security Council." There's already four vetoes on the Security Council to every US action; the fifth one hardly constitutes a reform.
  


• On the positive side, you might remember Aage Bjerre, the Danish pizza maker and a passionate supported of the American invasion of Iraq. Last year, Bjerre was sacked for refusing to serve French and German tourists, as a form of protest against these countries' anti-American foreign policy. Bjerre also spent eight days in a minimum security jail for refusing to pay the fine for his offence. Well, Bjerre has just been fired from his new job, for again refusing to serve German tourists. Isn't it the time that the right-wing blogdom has finally honoured this champion of the American alliance?
  


• And speaking of Europe's own Axis of Evil (the United States, Great Britain, Israel), who can forget the recent kind offer by French President Chirac not to receive Israeli PM Sharon, after the latter called on French Jews to emigrate to Israel, following the rise in anti-Semitic incidents in France.

IN THE WAR ON TERROR NEWS:

• Our friends the Germans are reportedly dropping the charges against a Hamburg-based Moroccan Mounir el Motassadeq, accused of aiding the September 11 hijackers, because of concerns that evidence supplied by the Americans might have been obtained through torture. "[The testimonies from America contain] no details as to where [the witnesses] were questioned, nor whether torture or other forms of force were used to make them talk," says a senior German intelligence official. Notice the reversed presumption: you have to prove that terror suspects were not tortured, but since that's too difficult to prove we'll just throw out the evidence altogether. This would be funny if it actually wasn't so serious. I can't say I'm surprised though, remembering the story I reported some time ago, about German military personnel refusing to take Taliban prisoners in Afghanistan because they would have to be turned over to the Americans who might in turn abuse them.
  


• Meanwhile, as America had its own scare with Syrian musicians, Spain is keen to learn from the experience. The Iberian authorities have now, without providing any reasons, denied entry visas to the Nokhchu youth folklore group from Chechnya. The group was to perform at the 16th International Folklore Festival. The Spanish decision is entirely understandable; after all, we've all heard of the dreaded suicide folk dancers of Grozny.
  


• Somebody else, however, hasn't learned from the recent American experience: "A German teenager faces legal action after faking his own kidnapping because he didn't want to finish his compulsory military service." Speaking of military service, in case you were wondering about the European military prowess, wonder no more: "A number of Finnish conscripts have been excused their full term of military service because they are addicted to the Internet... Doctors have found the young men miss their computers too much to cope with their compulsory six months in the forces."

For more Euro Absurdities, including economic, science, education, aviation, health, openmindedness and tolerance, cultural, (qasi) religious, law and order, real estate, sports and animal welfare news, read the complete round-up at here at Chrenkoff.