Burmese Python
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Associated Press reports:

"Last year, we caught 95 pythons," said Skip Snow, a biologist with Florida Everglades National Park. That's not counting the 13-footer that exploded after trying to eat an alligator, or two others that got loose and ate a Siamese cat and a turkey.

Sounds like a novel Thanksgiving ritual. He wasn't kidding about that alligator, by the way (includes picture). Confirmed by Snopes.com, which titled their verification "Who's Saurian Now?"

The Burmese Pythons they're discussing are beautiful creatures by any standard, and grow to a maximum of 23-25 feet in warmer climates. Full-grown adults can eat a sheep whole. The good news is that people are pretty much inedible thanks to our shoulders; the pythons will probably reach 18-20 feet in Florida's sub-tropical climate, though, at which point those 6-foot alligators become a more viable meal. This behaviour is similar to their Anaconda cousins, who dine on small Latin American crocodilians called caimans. At full size, therefore, the pythons will not lack for food.

"People buy them when they're small," he said. "I've seen them as cheap as 20 bucks in flea markets."

There ought to be a law against selling pets of any description at flea markets. Let alone exotic ones.

The inch-long hatchlings start off cute. Then they hit puberty.

Yeah, that's a problem with other species, too. Like humans, for instance. Note also that the pythons start at a lot more than an inch long; keep reading.

"By the end of the year, they're seven feet long," Snow said. "By the end of two years, they're 10 feet long. And that's more snake than anyone can handle."

I've owned snakes. A 10-foot python offers dramatically better odds of success as a pet than a wolf, lynx/bobcat, or cougar, which people do keep. You have to be an experienced snake owner and know what you're doing, though; as is true for any animal that is large enough or equipped in a way that creates a close contest with a human.

The good news is that unlike mammals, snakes don't play dominance games with humans. Some appear to win by default, however:

Overwhelmed with pets that eat more than they do, python owners decide to release their snakes into the wild. It's so common in the Everglades, Snow's had to start a python hot line.

"Wanted: large pythons probing into sensitive areas. Our crews are very experienced; satisfaction guaranteed. Call 1-800-OHPYTHON!"

Someone should let Brittney Spears know. Oh, wait...

The other problem Florida has besides idiot pet owners is hurricanes. A hurricane that trashes your house - or a reptile dealer's place of business - will free the snakes into the wild. This has happened with the much-smaller Boa Contrictors as well.

And there the Asian natives breed and find a comfortable home in the Everglades' water, heat and vegetation. [As adults,] They have no predators.

Other than rednecks...

Three years ago, a 15-footer stopped traffic when he spread himself across a four-lane road. Last year, another 15-footer gave a 60-year-old woman quite the jolt when she walked outside to find the snake sunbathing on her patio.

Cold-blooded creatures need warmth to be active, and roads and patios are good at retaining heat. Think of them as the reptilian equivalent of Starbucks.

And rescue workers had to save a cat from the 10-foot python that was chasing it around the backyard pool.

"This is for messin' with my Garter Snake homies, yo!"

State Rep. Ralph Poppell [R-Titusville] is preparing legislation. He asks:

"How can you want something for a pet that looks at you when it's hungry?" he said. "I don't want something to look at me as food, I'd rather they (pets) come to me for food."

Yeah, well, some people display similar proclivities in their dating habits. Whatcha gonna do?

John Lacorte, a Flagler County teacher, disagrees.... They're not gross. They're not oily. They're as dry as putting on a leather jacket. They're one of the most timid creatures that you'll ever see on this earth. Some kids find them really cool; we've never had anyone that came in and walked out afraid of snakes."

All true, and Burmese Pythons are actually one of the least aggressive snakes anywhere. If you want to see some serious orneriness, try dealing with their (non-venemous, and common) 3-4 foot long water snake relatives some time. It's an experience similar to trying pickup lines in a Womens' Studies class - after the class has become synced and is experiencing PMS.

Then again, you do not want a 10 foot snake or even a 6-foot snake to bite you; it isn't dangerous, but it will hurt like hell and you will scream like a little girl. This is humiliating for an apex predator, and should be avoided.

Of course, worse fates are possible. Paging Dr. Darwin.... Dr. Darwin on line 1...

"They aren't known to hunt people, but they are known to kill people," Snow said, citing cases where python owners made mistakes while handling their pets. In Naples, one driver crashed his PT Cruiser into a barricade when the pet snake he'd wrapped around his neck bit him. He jumped out of the car, wrestled with the snake and then drove off.

I'm torn here. Give the snake a medal? Or curse him for not finishing the job properly?

There are some real problems with these creatures, however. Indeed, this is the key problem with most exotic species:

Even without human encounters, Snow has enough to deal with. When they're not sunbathing, pythons are hunting precious species like wading birds, cotton rats and even bobcats.

One might expect rather fewer Flamingos (can't wait for the reports of lawn ornament stalkings) and Pelicans if this keeps up, which could be a problem in a way that snacking on the relatively plentiful alligator population isn't.

And they're breeding.

Around the time Poppell introduced his bill this spring, the snakes' mating season ended. Now, as the bill awaits at least one more committee vote in the House, females are nesting.

Should Poppell's proposal become law by early May, Snow said, it will be just in time to see the new babies hatch.

Unlike their close relatives the boas, who bear live young, pythons lay eggs. I've always found the divergence interesting, as their hind spurs indicate that both types put in early appearances on the serpentine evolutionary ladder. Anyway, Rainforest Adventures Discovery Zoo fills us in on what "breeding" means:

"The Burmese python is recognized as one of the largest snake species alive today. Adult females tend to be very heavy bodied and often exceed 15 feet in length. The female can lay as many as 60 eggs per clutch. The eggs will usually take between 60-70 days to hatch. Hatchling Burmese pythons can be up to 20" long at birth."

And their habitat includes the vast Everglades. I'd say they're here to stay.