Maybe Michael Wolff didn't give Slate enough credit. There are just way too many classic, deadpan lines in this article about lightning survivors (Hat Tip: Boing Boing):
"LeDoux, like most survivors, has a terrible short-term memory.... and has gone through spates of depression. "That first year when they told me I'd never be able to work again, I took a gun and put it to my head and pulled the trigger," he says. "But you know what? I forgot to load it."
This one was good, too:
"(Despite celebrations this year commemorating the conference's 15th anniversary, Marshburn concedes he made a mistake: The Pigeon Forge event was actually the 16th. But he'd just as soon forget last year's Orlando conference, which was virtually boycotted by lightning survivors who didn't want to go to central Florida, the Lightning Capital of America.)"
Looks like he could use a bit more of that short term memory loss.
I know. I'm a Very Bad Man®
Apparently, many strike victims are golfers. You'd think those people have already suffered enough. On the bright side, at least they'd be able to find a doctor quickly. That may not be so useful, though:
"Medical tests like MRIs, CT scans, and X-rays usually come back normal. But those are anatomical tests of how the body looks, not functional tests of how it works, and they can be deceiving. Zap a computer with an electrical surge and its hardware will appear unchanged, but that doesn't mean it'll still be able to run Leisure Suit Larry. The same is true of humans."
Apparently. Perhaps the author doesn't realize that inability to run that particular wetware might be construed as a bonus. Unless you're a journalist, I guess. Or in marketing.
So, what does it all mean?
"The survivors I spoke with almost all told me the same thing: Their accidents were somehow part of a divine master plan. If so, what were we to make of the violent thunderstorms and dazzling lightning shows that lit up Pigeon Forge all three days of the conference?"
Hypothesis #1: G-d has a sense of humour.
Hypothesis #2: Certain people haven't repented yet. They're warning shots.
Next year's summer conference location: just outside of Kansas City. C'mon, Big Guy, we dare ya.
"I asked LeDoux about this, and also about what he thought of the remarkable coincidence that Tennessee Electric had decided to host a conference on the same days in the same hotel as the lightning-strike survivors. He didn't think much of either oddity. In the scheme of things, he said, they just weren't that improbable."
On the basis of random chance, some people do win lotteries. Consider the flip side, and have a nice day.
My favorite quip on the subject of being struck by lightning (from Vicar of Dibley):
Vicar: Well, lightning never strikes twice in the same place.
Jim: No, no, no, it does. My dad was struck by lightning and then struck again five years later.
Vicar: How did he feel after being struck the second time?
Jim: Heavy. We buried him the next day.