Steven Wrightisms

Time to lighten up the atmosphere a bit. This short collection comes from deadpan comedian Steven Wright, a personal favourite of mine:

"Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen."

"If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?"

"The other day I went to a tourist information booth and asked, "Tell me about some of the people who were here last year."

"Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect."

"When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep OK?' I said, 'No, I made a few mistakes.'"

"I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose."

"I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house... and four people died."

"If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?"

"Why isn't the word, 'phonetically' spelled with an ' f '?"

"When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, "Well, what do you need?"

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