British Telecom's "futorology" department has an idea that puts Apple's iPod to shame:
"Computer chips that store music could soon be built into a woman's breast implants.... BT Laboratories' analyst Ian Pearson said flexible plastic electronics would sit inside the breast. A signal would be relayed to headphones, while the device would be controlled by Bluetooth using a panel on the wrist."
Well, this certainly puts a new spin on those classic "what would you take to a desert island" questions....
Well I can't help but think that this innovation might make size matter even more, and by extension...
Just to make this Philip K. Dick-style nightmare complete, these women will drive around playing rap music, with their hooter-woofers turned up so damn high it sounds like somebody is beating on the roof of your car with a sledgehammer. And they'll have neon undercarriage lights on them, even though they're illegal.
Eventually there will be all-out war between the women with the electronic racks and the morons who can't drive a motor vehicle without talking on their stupid cell phones at the same time.
On the other hand, if I met a woman who could play the Ode to Joy from Beethoven's Ninth every time I clapped my hands, I might reconsider my opposition to this technology.
This couldn't get mixed up with pet chips, could it? If my cat was lost, I could just put up an ad for the fluffy broadcasting Do It To Me One More Time, for instance?
Being the analytical sort, I have the restless urge to ask the question "how many jigglebytes per cc?" ...and to mention that given how these implants are sometimes inserted, we might be in for an "underarms race".
But I'm sure that these impulses are Just Wrong.
(s)Nort
Glen, I just know I'm going to have horrible nightmares about that now. Thanks a lot.
[Marshal "Smokin' Joe" Katzman: Deleted for lack of relevance. See Winds comments policy.]
On a desert island, or even in general, I'd just be delighted to own a pair of breasts. I don't know how women get anything done.
#7 Sofocleto:
Words cannot adequately express my feelings regarding your reposting, in spamlike fashion, peculiar conspiracy-theory Indymedia.uk content verbatim rather than leaving a link, and doing so in a thread that has no connection whatever with it.
I know that I speak for many regular contributors here when I ask you to rent a clue.
No, Glen-san, we would have hip-hop music in our breastes. ;-)
Or this by the Bloodhound Gang--
Hooray for Boobies
hmmm...i suppose ev will play emo thru his boobs.
;-)
I still vote for The Monks' "Love in Stereo".
I can understand how many women might want an emo module as a defense mechanism/deterrent security option, however. Enterprising manufacturers might even wish to consult our infamous Music from Hell thread's suggestions to create a more full-spectrum defense.
I lilked the side bar story as well. I wonder if this is the lefts response to Team America - A musical about Imelda Marcos
"As strange as it may sound, Norman Cook and David Byrne of Talking Heads’ fame, have come together to produce a theatrical music event inspired by the phenomenon of Imelda Marcos. It is to be called ‘Here Lies Love.’
Imelda Marcos and her dictator husband Ferdinand, ruled The Philippines for decades. Imelda loved the nightlife in all parts of the world, and in New York’s Studio 54 so much, that she installed a disco in her NYC townhouse. Her life was a non-stop party, featuring politicians, arms dealers, financiers, artists, musicians and the international jet set."
http://www.entertainmentwise.com/news?id=9405
I dunno, Taylor, sounds like more grist for the musical implants' security module....
hmmm...i guess i would add to the hell music thread anything by modest mouse and dash-bored confessional, and that horrible Butterfly Kisses song.
I can understand how many women might want an emo module as a defense mechanism/deterrent security option
but it wouldn't work against the Emo-kidz!!!
it would just draw them!!
Emo-kidz can only be repelled by industrial strength hiphop or the Bloodhound Gang.
It's a fact.
;-)
and, exshually, the Bloodhound Gang's Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo should work wonderfully on any devout jihaadi that understands english. ;-)
Where are the batteries going to go?
Being a technical person, I have a few rhetorical questions.
Will these include speakers? Or will they use bone conduction? If so, how would you play a song for someone else? One imagines a kind of earmuff positioning, but this could lead to all sorts of other troubles.
If they included speakers, how would one operate the device? There are some obvious knobs available, and a similar set worked my 67 Chevy Nova radio adequately, so perhaps this is not an issue. But I wouldn't want to be doing a lot of station changing with my girlfriend at a public place. Not unless she had a couple drinks first.
Will there be follow-up products? Women are also augmenting their posteriors, and what better place for "Google World"? I've got some ideas for a "Mr. Microphone". Dating could get significantly more interesting.
People have to ask these questions.
Gives a whole new meaning to ear buds, doesn't it?
You guys are missing some of the more useful aspects of this thing.
From the woman's perspective this invention is potentially quite useful:
- your guy is boring in bed, so you set your inner iPod on bone conduction and play your favorite music. Beats counting flies on the ceiling.
- you really do NOT want sex tonight, but you don't want to claim a headache either, so you set your iPod on that song he can't stand and then say "oops, it seems to be stuck looping on that one track constantly"
- your guy will NOT use a map or ask directions, so you make up an audio version of the MapQuest route and download it discreetly before your trip. Good way to keep your favorite phone numbers too, in case your cell phone battery dies while you're travelling.
- you want to make use of your commuting time, so you download a language course and practice on the road. Be careful if you take mass transit... you might not want to be practicing your Arabic pronunciation out loud in the subway.
The possibilities are endless. Bummer to deal with battery disposal, tho ....
Then there's always Mozart for Baby Geniuses while nursing. Better not have active-matrix tattoos, showing Bob the Builder, though, or poor Baby will get nearsighted... It raises one other issue. If the same sort of thing is made available for penile implants, would that involve "pudcasting"?
OK, now I'm officially ashamed of myself.
L. A. Chu